A mother of an autistic child recently shared a clipping with me where an autistic woman stated that she was autistic and then said that her experience when she “revealed” her autism status usually would evoke the response “Oh don’t worry, Autism is a Superpower!” She then went on to say something to the effect that this reaction did not actually make her feel any better.
I replied to the mother saying I would write a post to share a few points concerning “Autism Superpower” in the current global landscape where “A” for Autism is more relevant than “A” for Apple.
Taking the meaning of the word “Suoer power” in the context of autism to be generally understood as “Exceptional” abilities/qualities/gifts/talents and the like, these are the questions that often come up:
Does my autistic child have it?
Do I need to look for one superpower in my child or can there be many? Are “special interests” the same as “superpowers” in autism?
“special interest” meaning one or more hyper focussed interests in the child that could actually translate as a “productive” career path/profession/financial independence, stability/long-term security and PEACE for the child and the parents.
How can i know which special interest is actually a superpower? HOW can i discover these superpowers in my child?
When will I get to see his genius superpower?
Is it a myth to state autism superpower exists so as to make me not to lose hope for my child? It makes me more depressed and frustrated when I am so ready to discover and support the supposed superpowers in my child while I cannot seem to be able to SEE any in MY child!
Let me get straight to outlining what determines if you are able to SEE your child s gifts,abilities and talents, a.k.a “Autism Superpower(s)” in your child.
Begin by DEFINING what the word superpower means for you in your individual life situation with your child.
Based on my experience interacting with parents with child/children on the spectrum, I understand that the DEFINITION of the word superpower would again encompass a spectrum – for some their child eating food with ease and being able to do ADL (activities of daily living) would amount to a superpower.
For others it would border on the SAVANT range and the rest – Anything in between that would make their daily life more manageable and one of ease and with less concern about the future of their child as they grow into Adults capable of independent existence.
Regardless of your individual definition, this article is for each person wanting to see their child
bloom in joy with peace of mind being undercurrent.
Ask yourself: WHY am I “waiting” to see the superpower(s) in my child?
The answer to this question would reveal what you actually BELIEVE about your child and her capabilities. Whatever your State of Being is wrt to those beliefs , whether “positive” or “negative” is what you will SEE in your “reality” experience with your child.The more your State of Being matches those beliefs,the more the likelihood of those superpowers or the absence of the same you get to see in your interactions with your child.
For example, if you feel that your child has an “ear for music” but you have a belief that is overweighed more with doubts than “knowing” this to be true, then less chances of you being able to see if this is indeed a superpower or gift in your child.
The way to address this would then be to uncover WHY your doubts carry so much weight in this context and address those in yourself first so your State of Being shifts from Doubt to “Knowing” that this is indeed a gift in your child.
Point is – If you are “Waiting” then your State of Being is one of “Waiting” ( for whatever reason) rather than the State of Being of actually SEEING ( the superpower) in your child.
Waiting and Seeing are Completely Different States of Being with completely different “reality sets” unto themselves.
What are YOU doing while you are waiting for the superpowers to reveal themselves in your child?
The answer to this will reveal the balance between “not giving up” and “letting-go” in YOURSELF that determines the level of WISDOM in you that helps you operate from this State of Being – “everything is unfolding in perfect timing in MY life and I will miss Nothing.”
IF you are operating from the State of Being of “Time is running out”, your “reality” with your child will reflect the same back to you – usually as hyperactivity/lack of focus/agitation/frustration/exhaustion/violence/apathy/fatigue and the like.
Are you living your passion? Are you living your life with the qualities of curiosity, love, excitement, eagerness,interest?
The answer to this will reveal where you may be holding yourself back from FLOWING in your life with relatively more ease and often unconsciously holding your child back from flowing in his life with ease too. Because, your child is invariably tuned to Your/parents’ energies of ease or stress and reflects the same as expansive or constricted energies in his behavior, actions and activities or the lack of it.
Again, Are you living your passion? Why not? Are you blaming your child for not being able to “live my life as I want to”? What is preventing you from living your life in joy in this moment? Are you blaming yourself and feeling guilty too?
The answers to all these questions reveal Who You Are and what truly makes you happy and WHYyou may Not be giving yourself PERMISSION to be happy. Point is – Instead of looking for happiness “through your child” via her superpower(s), however right and valid that is, the paradox is that you ae more likely to SEE those gifts in your child when you are happy and at peace within yourself and with yourself.
There are Three Aspects to seeing your child as a gift in her own right, superpowers included:
- KNOWING that your child on the autism spectrum is and has superpower(s)/special interest(s) that are “productive”. Replacing the word productive with fulfilling and satisfying would be more empowering and accurate. This State of Being of knowing will be experienced by you when you stop INVALIDATING what is still “unpreferred” wrt your child in your current reality. Make all things neutral and/or equally unimportant. A sort of “detachment to the outcome”, if you will.
- SEEING that as a Manifested “Reality” in YOUR interactions with your child. What you know within yourself to be “true” will invariably be reflected back to you so you can actually SEE your preferred “reality” with your child. And this ability to SEE again depends on whether you are on that frequency/State of Being where this is in YOUR “Visibility Range”.
- “OTHERS” too being able to SEE what you are seeing in your child, a.k.a the Superpowers.
KEY: Make the third point IRRELEVANT for the points 1 and 2 to be “VISIBLE” in your “Reality”.
What can help solidify these three aspects are:
- Stopping Gaslighting yourself in any and all aspects of your ( More about this in another article).
- Being honest with yourself vis a vis your genuine needs and wants and knowing the difference between the
- Doing anything that helps you be on the frequency where you can see with ease and that means doing anything that helps you in-
- Being relaxed, Being present, Experiencing good Sleep, Ingesting healthy Nutrition, having adequate Excercise and Being aware when you seem to be moving away from these and making the necessary course
And you if are saying “I am unable to relax and I am forced to be hypervigilant”, then THIS is where you need to begin first. There are endless number of tools to address these challenges and make this as your priority even if you have not read or understood anything else in this article.
In Short, RELAX. This Sate of Being is the answer to the question stated in the title of this article.
Only when you relax, can you access solutions.
Some useful links and tools to help you on this journey to discovering and and seeing the superpower(s) in your child:
https://authenticautismsolutions.com/books
https://authenticautismsolutions.com/autism-super-mom-delays-recovery/
